Your basic poop types: 

Ghost Poop -- You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but there's no poop in the toilet. 

Teflon-Coated Poop -- Comes out so slick, clean, and easy that you don't even feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look for the poop in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Gooey Poop -- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. 

Second Thought Poop -- You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize you've got to poop more.

Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Poop -- This is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It just doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard. 

Richard Simmons Poop -- You poop so much, you lose 10 pounds.

Right Now Poop -- You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

Green Poop -- Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad. 

King Kong or Commode Choker Poop -- This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house. 

Cork Poop (Also known as Floaters) -- Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it?! This poop also usually happens at someone else's house. 

Wet Cheeks Poop (The Power Dump) -- The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. 

Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie, Poopie -- It's the kind where you want to poopie real bad, but all you do is sit, cramp, and fart a few times. 

Cement Block Poop or Oh God! Poop -- You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Snake Poop -- This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.

Beer Drunk Poop -- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD! Usually there's someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house. 

Burning Ass Poop -- Self explanatory. Usually occurs after eating Burning Mouth Cajun food. 

Firecracker Poop -- This poop comes out in little explosions. Like a string of firecrackers. Just when you think the last blew, wait, there's more poop to come. 

Volcano Poop -- Not liquid and not solid, this poop sort of emerges from your rear in a continuous flow. Usually happens when you are in a hurry or ate Cajun food the night before. 

Nuclear Poop -- One huge King Kong log explosion followed by a solid outpouring of poop in varying textures and densities. Asshole radiates for awhile afterwards. 

Shy Poop -- Combination of Wish Poop and Second Thought Poop. It's going to come out. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's NOT. Best bet is to force it to become the Pop A Vein in Your Forehead Poop.

Poop! Poop -- This poop gives you ample warning of its impending arrival. Yet, you are still unable to find ac(commode)ations. Usually on long airline flights with equally long latrine lines, during traffic, in the middle of a conference or meeting. If serviced early enough, it is Teflon poop. If late enough, Cement Block Poop. 

Baby Poop -- Self explanatory. Output often more attractive and seemingly palatable then input. Comes in a variety of colors and textures. 

SLOW Poop -- Much like Shy Poop except you have the feeling of continuous, albeit minuscule progress. Coaxing and straining does not help. Get a good book and relax. This poop is in no hurry. 

Gassy Poopie-- It's so noisy everyone within earshot is giggling. 
Corn Poopie-- Self Explanatory! 

Spinal Tap Poopie -- That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. 

Liquid Poopie -- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splatters all over the toilet. 

Mexican Food Poopie-(AKA: Screamers) -- It smells so bad the room is condemned. You'll know it's all right to eat again when your rear end-stops burning. 

Upper Class Poopie -- The kind that thinks their poopie doesn't stink. 

Fisherman's Bobber Poopie -- That's the kind where you're in the public restroom, and there are two people waiting for your stall. You poopie and flush two times, but several golfball-sized pieces are still floating on the water. 

The Show-And-Tell Poopie -- You're so impressed with you own poopie, you leave it in the bowl so all your friends can appreciate it too. 

Half Poopie -- That's the kind that breaks off too soon, so half falls into the bowl and half stays hanging... 
(AKA: The Wipers Nightmare). 

Surprise Poopie -- That's when you're in public and you think you have to fart, but you get a surprise poopie as a bonus. 

Paralyzing Poopie -- When you're sitting pooping so long your legs fall asleep.